Have y'all ever have those times when something good creeps up to you and took you by surprise? And though that was all you have been hoping for so long, you never really believe that it did really happen.
Confused? I 'm trying to explain but somehow it didn't come out very well cause I think only me have those kind of thinking and thus having some real writerblock expressing. Words are totally failing me now. All jumbled and messed up in my head. Haiz.
Its like whenever something good happens, I'd be all reluctant to share it with anyone, even those closest to me. Whenever something that I been hoping for happens, though how much I will like to jump with joy, shout and scream to the whole world, somehow I ended up smiling to myself in my heart, keeping it all a secret, not wanting to share. I'd repress the urge to just smile and be happy and go around announcing it to every other souls to share that lil bit of good news, I'd be telling myself "Don't get too happy, Don't be too overjoy, Don't put your hopes too high." Because I totally believe that if you don't have hope in the first place, you will not be dissapointed. Its kind of like a self-defence I built up around me against dissapointment, so that it will be easily dealt with if it ever come.
It probably sound as weird as it is. But I have this superstitious belief that if I get too happy over something, I will end up being dissapointed. Its like if I get too happy over something, after awhile of happiness I'd realise its all a bubble of illusion that goes Pop! after all the initial happiness. When things aren't totally confirmed, and when things are just in the beginning stage, I don't like sharing around. Cause I don't like myself to be expecting too much. And also because it happen to me many times too.
For instance, that time when I thought I had those issues about hostel roomates and groups all almost settle and I sort of told people about it, and then suddenly, bomb drop, false hope, back to square one, 白欢喜一场。
I don't know, its weird and I actually believe it. For other people I noticed, they'd go telling all their friends and relatives and whoever. But for me, I handle them cautiously, I would rather take it as improvement in situation and when people ask, I would say instead, " Nope, not confimed, not sure, don't know yet." even if in actual, I knew something. Its totally selfish of me, I always feel, that I don't share joys with people.
Thats it. Thought I would just explain abit but turns out I don't even understand why I feel like that. Its hard to explain. But whatever, just had to write something about it here.
Quotes of the day:
When it comes down to it.
We don't remember days.
We remember moments.
If you can't cry, you can't truly laugh.
Confused? I 'm trying to explain but somehow it didn't come out very well cause I think only me have those kind of thinking and thus having some real writerblock expressing. Words are totally failing me now. All jumbled and messed up in my head. Haiz.
Its like whenever something good happens, I'd be all reluctant to share it with anyone, even those closest to me. Whenever something that I been hoping for happens, though how much I will like to jump with joy, shout and scream to the whole world, somehow I ended up smiling to myself in my heart, keeping it all a secret, not wanting to share. I'd repress the urge to just smile and be happy and go around announcing it to every other souls to share that lil bit of good news, I'd be telling myself "Don't get too happy, Don't be too overjoy, Don't put your hopes too high." Because I totally believe that if you don't have hope in the first place, you will not be dissapointed. Its kind of like a self-defence I built up around me against dissapointment, so that it will be easily dealt with if it ever come.
It probably sound as weird as it is. But I have this superstitious belief that if I get too happy over something, I will end up being dissapointed. Its like if I get too happy over something, after awhile of happiness I'd realise its all a bubble of illusion that goes Pop! after all the initial happiness. When things aren't totally confirmed, and when things are just in the beginning stage, I don't like sharing around. Cause I don't like myself to be expecting too much. And also because it happen to me many times too.
For instance, that time when I thought I had those issues about hostel roomates and groups all almost settle and I sort of told people about it, and then suddenly, bomb drop, false hope, back to square one, 白欢喜一场。
I don't know, its weird and I actually believe it. For other people I noticed, they'd go telling all their friends and relatives and whoever. But for me, I handle them cautiously, I would rather take it as improvement in situation and when people ask, I would say instead, " Nope, not confimed, not sure, don't know yet." even if in actual, I knew something. Its totally selfish of me, I always feel, that I don't share joys with people.
Thats it. Thought I would just explain abit but turns out I don't even understand why I feel like that. Its hard to explain. But whatever, just had to write something about it here.
Quotes of the day:
When it comes down to it.
We don't remember days.
We remember moments.
If you can't cry, you can't truly laugh.
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