谢哦。。

哈哈。。

被记得的感觉真的很好噢。。。

心理超甜的。。

本来以为你早就把我给忘了。。

突然间， 发现原来你还记得我。。

感觉。。好好咯。。。

不管是不是简单的一句"Hi..."

已经够了。。

还说你们不在了。。显啊。。

哇。。就觉得。。哇。。好有存在感哦。。

嘿嘿。。

简单几句就够了！！

曾经我还一时有点讨厌你呢。。

那时还决定从此以后。。不理你了。。

结果。。。

我和你。。

只不过短时间的认识。。

短时间的相处过。。

不过。。

是记忆哦。。

你。。在我的记忆里哦。。

有点想念你。。

有点想念你们。。

虽然我和你们大概不会再遇见了吧。。

可是。。

谢谢你们。。

给我了一段我很珍惜的时光。。

诚心的。。

谢啦。。

要我说实话吗。。。

真的想念你。。。你感觉到吗？

“ 我想念你们。。”

the "hero" in me..

Hero-Mariah Carey

There's a hero if you look inside your heart

You don't have to be afraid of what you are.

There's an answer if you reach inside your soul and the sorrow that you know will melt away

And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on and you cast your fears aside and you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone look inside you and be strong and then you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in you.

It's a long road when you face the world alone;

No one reaches out a hand for you to hold.

You can find love if you search within your self and the emptiness you felt will disappearrrr.

And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on and you cast your fears asideand you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone look inside you and be strong and you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in you.

Lord knows dreams are hard to follow, But don't let anyone tear them away.

Hold on, there will be tomorrow, In time you'll find the way.

And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on and you cast your fears aside and you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone look inside you and be strong and you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in you.

That a hero lies in you. ohhh that a hero lies in.....you.

* I wanna be that "hero" in me...

* I wanna go on and carry on

* I wanna have the strength in me to believe

* I wanna be strong

* I wanna cast my fears aside

* I wanna know --that a "hero" lies in me

Occasionally, I give myself some reprieve to breakdown.

Just some space. To let out my emotions. When things get too complicating.

And I just don't know what to do.

What to decide. Afraid of making the decision. Fearing that my decision will be wrong. Frighten by the unseen future.

I made a decision some time ago. And I am scared everything will be futile.

I am just glad nobody has told me yet "I told u so."

Just a little breakdown.

Bad news. Good news.

I don't even know. Anymore. I used to believe if I work hard, there will be rewards.

Now I just don't know what to believe.

Whatver the outcome might be. I feel numbed.

Just a sense of resignation.

What will be mine will be.

Wait. Is the only thing I can do now.

On the surface, I am still the happy, cheerful person.

Beneath, I am just scared.

Waiting. Is agony.

"I am tired."

My privacy is my own!!

I need my privacy!!!

Whats up with you people???

Why are you all forever invading my privacy???

Cant I keep things to myself???

It is not the first time either!! Not once, not the 2nd time, it is been so many times.

And what did I do??

I kept quiet. I didn't want a confrontation. I didn't want to argue. I pretended I didn't know anything. I didn't want to end up questioning you.

I thought all this will end soon. But it never end. It is either you or another of you or another of you!!

I am so sick of getting my privacy invaded!!!

I need to have some stuff that I keep to myself!!

I hate it when people go through my stuff without telling me!!

I am sensitive to my own things!!

Please just leave me and my things alone!!

I don't want to end up quarelling just for this thing!!

There so many times that I wanted to keep some secrets to myself but ended up because you people cant keep your hands to yourself that I cant keep anything to myself!!

I hate it this way!!!

Can it stop???

I am so frustrated and mad.

You are the one who always say " Give her some privacy." Yet you are the one violating mine!!

Post secret

I was just basically surfing around and also reading woohoo's blog.

Then i read about something he saw on a postcard on postsecret.com.

I wanted to tell you all my secrets but you became one.

I dunno about you. But i deffinitely sense some coincidence here. Obviously I am not the only one with that thought.

So freakingly true huh.

Desperados

We are all desperados. ok. Maybe not all of us. But at least some of us are.

Can you say that you are not the least craving for anything?? Everybody craves for something, desperate for something.

And when we find ourselves in situation like this, we search for options to satisfy what we want and resort to every other possible choices to overcome the desperation. More often then not, we find ourselves deeply involve in sticky, messy, problems. duh, of cause.

Take me for instance.

I am desperate for xxx.

Nope, xxx is not sex.

Don't think so dirty-mindedly hor.hehe.

xxx is MMA.

Yep, MMA.

You won't know how energetically one's mind can race in desperation.
Especially for a gal who love daydreaming and imagination so wild.hee.

To say I am hoping is an understatement.

Everytime the phone rings, those searing moments of fervent hope, as I beg it silently to be from that santha fella to just give me some good news. some hope about MMA.

U probably cant imagine the desperation can be.

And needless to say, that phone call has not arrive. Not yet anyway. Soon it will is what i WANT to believe.

Damn it.

Izzie Stevens in Grey's Anatomy:
I believe we have to believe we can survive in order to survive.

Desperation lead me to be so bushuang of those jpa scholar who are going MMA on soon. On the 23rd, to be exact.

Saw their friendster. They were like so excited they are leaving soon.
"Wah, I cant believe that we are leaving msia so soon."
"Have you pack??I havent started packing!"
"Gonna fly soon. Yeah!"
"Zwaswuyitie.Kak dilla?Spasiba.ya harasho................"blah blah blah.

Ok. I get you. I so get you loud and clear. You all are flying off to the very destination that i wanna be.
I mean, do you all have to rub it in????

Ok. So you all didnt mean to on purpose la or whatever.

I am just plain bushuang and the fact they are so happy going off to there.
Yeah, I am just looking for excuses to hate you all.

Plus the fact that you all use so many Russian words there.(showing off huh??)
Plus the fact that all of you all are so excited.(Yeah, cz none of you know that classes probably will be starting next week.)
Plus the fact that all of you all are smart asses who got scholarships and don't have to spend a single cent on your study there.( while I will be spending so much of my parents' hard-earned money.)
Plus sis mention that jpa scholar and FAMA-students who study with parents' sponsorship- tak ngam wan.
Plus they get plenty of allowances to splurge every month on good food and good stuff while we FAMA have to scrimp and save every bit.
Plus the fact that my sis 2nd year that seniors batch who are supposed to stay in Kahov kena kicked out of Kahov to stay in Pushkin which is a not so nice hostel. Why?? Because apparently those rooms in Kahov are reserved for you all. Who cares about seniors or not. Who cares bout first come first serve. You all have good lodgings and good food prepared, waiting for your royal arrival. No sweat. Why worry?

Damnit.Pissed off.

Yeah, I admit I am a sour grape. Very sour indeed.

You are probably thinking "c'mon, because you don't have good and smart genius brains like them. Else why aren't you a jpa scholar?? Being all sour grape doesn't help you at all."

Yeah, I am a sour grape.

I cant help it. I am worrying about my room my hostel my group my life there. Because I keep hearing news about what another 50 1st year students move in today and mama-the matron- screaming cz not enough rooms available. And groups all being fully booked ald. Classes maybe starting next week. Try imagine the stress. I feel so helpless that I cant even help myself. Just following along like a jellyfish in the sea. Sis and WS say it is normal to be so damnably jealous. Really?? I never used to be jealous of them. Thought they live their life, I live mine. Who cares? Only recently, when things started being all screwed up. PY say everything happen for a reason. I believe that too. Everything happen for a reason and purpose behind it. Have faith.

For now, I am still waiting for that particular phone call. Which, if my luck is good, will come tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe the next day. Maybe next week. Worst, maybe never.

I won't give up. I can't and I won't. Aza Aza Fighting to myself.

But for now, I am clinging desperately to that painfully beautiful streak of hope. That everything goes well.
Wish me luck huh.



On the other hand, my crazy friends are getting wasted and i feel the temptation to join in.haha.no names mention.
F, enjoy urself at the chalet ar. Hopefully, you won't end up hugging your "bloody" toilet bowl. Again.Ha!

p/s seriously, he is cute cute la. Not that kind of cute but cute enough.